Have these quips ready
I talk a lot about the systematic programming that hijacks our amygdala and puts us in a freeze or fawn state whenever we are confronted with aggressive behaviours.
But how do we overcome it? How do we prevent 2am wake ups where we get stuck in an imaginary conversation peppered with "I should have said..."?
We create habit sentences. Which means we use these sentences frequently so they become second nature. Here are some examples of habit sentences that you can add to your personal protection trusty tool kit.
When I teach SAFE WORKSPACE DE-ESCALATION STRATEGIES I am delighted by some of the habit sentences that call centre staff and receptionists use.
Let me know what has worked for you ?
Hacks to De-escalate ANGER
There are strategic physical hacks that we can make habitual to dealing effectively with conflict... give these a crack and let me know what works for you.
And let work know you would love some WORKSAFE De-escalation Training to suit your works space.
Let’s look at our solutions…
Join myself and Lucretia from Medusa’s Mic Podcast when we dive into the topics of reporting sexual assault and the services available to those who are affected. I am all about the empowerment and advocacy and creating change…. We discuss the importance of shifting the narrative and conditioning to pull back the level of sexual violence we’re seeing in today’s society. Sexual violence hurts everybody.
Their experiences: Why they won’t report
I dip my toe into the trauma responses I experience as a result of being an online covert in the highly dysfunctional and sexualised world of online grooming.
Join myself and Lucretia from Medusa’s Mic Podcast as we dive into the following:
We discuss my career with the Queensland Police, including her time with Task Force Argos, the branch responsible for the investigation of online child exploitation and abuse. Erin provides great insights into the societal conditioning women face every day and why they are often afraid to speak up. Erin empowers young girls and women with the skills they need to verbalise their experiences, reduce their negative self-talk and respond to the trauma of sexual violence.
Thinking of going to RAVES self defence with your pre-teen? Worried about talking about sexual assault?
Tanya Allan - a real story teller paints the RAVES picture for you.
To all my grade 12's.... You've almost done it... you are almost there.
BUT. Life isn't just about your grades and what you are going to do next year.
All of this means nothing if your mental health and safety are jeopardised.
The biggest test in life is... wait for it.... life itself.
Let this old woman who has survived high school, uni, and a Police dormitory before even reaching 21 give you some advice for you and your friends about how to be safe as you embark into independent living situations with its inherent exposure to alcohol, drugs and sex famously paired with peer pressure, impaired environmental awareness and the characteristic teen 'c'est la vie' brain.
Posting seemingly innocent photos of your child or teen has a sinister outcome that you may never have considered.
THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE CONTAINS ADULT CONCEPTS. PLEASE TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH AND DO NOT ENGAGE IF YOU ARE FEELING MENTALLY UNWELL.
Your child or teen could be a poster child for a pedophile ring - and you may never know. Australia made world news in 2016 with a website trading explicit photos of local school girls. The site even had pages dedicated to local Brisbane and Gold Coast high schools and fan pages - offering money to men who could find more explicit photos of their favourites.
Attempts to close down the site have been thwarted in a brazen disregard of the law. And these girls, whose images have been used without consent, could be to this day, oblivious.
Police CANNOT ALWAYS LOCATE YOU if photos of your children have been found to be used in connection with pedophile rings. Due to the ability to mask IP addresses and identities with overseas servers and false identities it is not always possible to link an identity to these photos. There are even sites dedicated to teaching online predators how to cover their tracks.
A photo of your child could be part of a pedophilia ring that has been uncovered by Police, and you wont even know about it.
The Task Force I worked for busts pedophile rings - and makes arrests of pedophiles in our neighbourhood. This article is an insight into what they do, and how close to your home they come to arrest offenders.
A pedophile or predator will not play fair, nor think like the average person. They therefore look at images and their erotic 'potential' differently to how the average population does.
Here are some things that pedophiles may find attractive when looking at photos on social media:
Things to consider when posting photos of your children:
Things to be considered with your teens social media images:
* I used to pray that when I saw a photo of a baby in a nappy and a sexually aroused man in the image that the image was 'superimposed'. I didn't always receive this comfort from the government classifier or the photographic specialists. This is is the horrific reality of child sex crimes and trafficking in the 21st century. There is one photo in particular that I remember which causes me pain daily - a 6 month old in just a nappy with the most innocent smile laying on a bed - and a naked man entering the babies bedroom. This child looked like my babies - your babies. And the horror that I could not save that child scratches at my brain.
It has taken over a decade for me to write this post... There was a time when I would physical hit my head and moan to stop the memories - but I hope that I have now developed better coping strategies. I have a practice of offering it 'up, or surrender. I take the time to do a short meditation where I hand the image and the horror over. Usually I hand it over to the Goddess Kali, who feasts on the depravity of men. She is glorious and terrifying. As am I. This then allows me to focus on the present. If it re-surfaces I repeat... repeat, repeat repeat - just like my rules of self defence. Because to succumb to the mental abyss of someone else's darkness is not an option for me - or for raising healthy children.
If you have been affected by this article please make an appointment with your Doctor and click in the attached link for more referral options to support you. Good on you! Personal responsiblity burns this dysfunction to the ground! I'm off to stoke the fire right now...
Click here for more information on what you may need to know when reporting sexual abuse.
The RAVES system of self defence has two pronged approach to self defence that considers the K.I.S.S. option.
K.I.S.S. could mean Keep It Simple Keep It Sweet (placation)
K.I.S.S. could mean Keep them In cloSe (pull them close, twist their neck).
For too long male dominated self defence has failed to consider the following options for woman in life threatening sexual assault scenarios:
1. Doing nothing (at the time). Often in domestic violence situations the option of doing nothing means that you survive the moment, to escape for a lifetime. This is something mothers have instinctively done for human millennia to keep their children safe - often at the expense of their own safety. But this option must not last forever. The next option is to escape, and for family and friends and society to have a safe haven for them to escape too.
2. Placation. Placation is the ancient art of foxing, and dare I say it - seduction. Don't go all defence balls on me - you have to read this in its entirety. Because it's hard to hear. Just like rape, sodomy and degradation is hard to experience.
Placation stops the fear centre (the amygdala) that inhibits a survivors creative thought process. Bit hard to be creative when your life is being threatened right? But placation is a skill that can be taught - it opens the brain from the fear centre to access the greater brain. From here people can access the teaching that ALL OFFENDERS are operating from a psychotic brain. A psychotic brain has daydreamed (like a film running in their head) about eliciting fear from a person and enjoys the adrenalin rush and reward hormones that result from acting out their imagined attack.
An offender is all about the fear. It is never about the sex.
Sex is a by product of the fear. In fact, if you have a look at the psychology of hard core sexual offenders you will see that the majority of them do not masterbate. This, according to human behavioural experts, would indicate that they are largely sexually dysfunctional.
Which is why I proudly (and unabashedly) teach early childhood educators about removing shame when talking about gender and sex - they can, quite literally, change a potential mass murderers genetic pre-determined tendencies toward psycotic behaviours with love and open minded teaching without judgement or attachment of guilt.
So... this is a little story that I use to reinforce the placation - or K.I.S.S principle - of self defence (names, facts, countries, and clown customers have been changed in order to reinforce the learning).*
A woman was closing up her dry cleaning shop for the day. A man with a sawn-off shot gun enters. The woman, in shock, believes he wants the takings of the day, but he instead demands sexual acts. He forces the gun into her mouth. The woman instinctively knows she is not going to survive this, and there is only one thing that she can control - she will show him no fear. She looks him in the eye and pretends like she is enjoying the depravity. This action, in turn, derails the show-reel of madness in his head, deflates his aggression (literally), and results in him zipping up his pants and walking out of the shop. Her remarkable resolve leaves him flaccid and her with enough evidence on her person to link him to 52 other victims buried statewide in remote desert locations.
*If you are like me and you gotta know real life stories then search survivor's: Rose Steward, Jennifer Asbenson, and Alison (first name only) the South African throat cut survivor. Their stories are first hand accounts of the superhuman ability to survive.
So you may need to placate... but you can also Keep them In cloSe in order to use a fundamental rule of self defence.
Move in close to use momentum (not force) in order to TWIST a weak point (thumb, wrist, neck?) and effect escape.
Attackers often move to silence women... this is me and my version of lipless kissing.
Maybe you would move to kiss, then headbut.
But I always teach - you must go FULL OUT - or go back to your option of 'no action, at the moment'. Because to go into this lightly, or with too much Princess Pansy Hands, could escalate an offenders already frenzied madness.
Unlike martial arts, your moves are not limited to your repetitive training, but they are unlimited due to the teaching methods to unlock your physical and mental potential.
This is the RAVES method. Recognise, Assess, Vocalise, Escape and Survive.
Because if I can keep one woman safe, then my late night rants are worth it.
For more information on my personal protection and self defence courses
check out what is on.
My friend and I were taught some great skills and had a lot of fun - such a serious topic but we had lots of laughs. Erin is amazing - she is warm and friendly and is really knowledgeable and experienced, I did this years ago and am glad I did it again - my friend and I are going to try and do this yearly to keep it fresh in our minds.