To all my grade 12's....  You've almost done it... you are almost there.
BUT.  Life isn't just about your grades and what you are going to do next year.
All of this means nothing if your mental health and safety are jeopardised.

The biggest test in life is... wait for it.... life itself.

Let this old woman who has survived high school, uni, and a Police dormitory before even reaching 21 give you some advice for you and your friends about how to be safe as you embark into independent living situations with its inherent exposure to alcohol, drugs and sex famously paired with peer pressure, impaired environmental awareness and the characteristic teen  'c'est la vie' brain.

The RAVES system of self defence has two pronged approach to self defence that considers the K.I.S.S. option.

K.I.S.S. could mean Keep It Simple Keep It Sweet (placation)
K.I.S.S. could mean Keep them In cloSe (pull them close, twist their neck).

For too long male dominated self defence has failed to consider the following options for woman in life threatening sexual assault scenarios:

1.  Doing nothing (at the time).  Often in domestic violence situations the option of doing nothing means that you survive the moment, to escape for a lifetime.  This is something mothers have instinctively done for human millennia to keep their children safe - often at the expense of their own safety.  But this option must not last forever.  The next option is to escape, and for family and friends and society to have a safe haven for them to escape too.

2. Placation.  Placation is the ancient art of foxing, and dare I say it - seduction.   Don't go all defence balls on me - you have to read this in its entirety.  Because it's hard to hear.  Just like rape, sodomy and degradation is hard to experience. 

Placation stops the fear centre (the amygdala) that inhibits a survivors creative thought process.  Bit hard to be creative when your life is being threatened right?  But placation is a skill that can be taught - it opens the brain from the fear centre to access the greater brain.  From here people can access the teaching that ALL OFFENDERS are operating from a psychotic brain.  A psychotic brain has daydreamed (like a film running in their head) about eliciting fear from a person and enjoys the adrenalin rush and reward hormones that result from acting out their imagined attack.

An offender is all about the fear.  It is never about the sex.  

Sex is a by product of the fear. In fact, if you have a look at the psychology of hard core sexual offenders you will see that the majority of them do not masterbate. This, according to human behavioural experts, would indicate that they are largely sexually dysfunctional.

Which is why I proudly (and unabashedly) teach early childhood educators about removing shame when talking about gender and sex - they can, quite literally, change a potential mass murderers genetic pre-determined tendencies toward psycotic behaviours with love and open minded teaching without judgement or attachment of guilt.

So... this is a little story that I use to reinforce the placation - or K.I.S.S principle - of self defence (names, facts, countries, and clown customers have been changed in order to reinforce the learning).*

A woman was closing up her dry cleaning shop for the day.  A man with a sawn-off shot gun enters.  The woman, in shock, believes he wants the takings of the day, but he instead demands sexual acts.  He forces the gun into her mouth.  The woman instinctively knows she is not going to survive this, and there is only one thing that she can control -  she will show him no fear.  She looks him in the eye and pretends like she is enjoying the depravity.   This action, in turn, derails the show-reel of madness in his head, deflates his aggression (literally), and results in him zipping up his pants and walking out of the shop.  Her remarkable resolve leaves him flaccid and her with enough evidence on her person to link him to 52 other victims buried statewide in remote desert locations.

*If you are like me and you gotta know real life stories then search survivor's: Rose Steward, Jennifer Asbenson, and Alison (first name only) the South African throat cut survivor.  Their stories are first hand accounts of the superhuman ability to survive.

So you may need to placate... but you can also Keep them In cloSe in order to use a fundamental rule of self defence.

Move in close to use momentum (not force) in order to TWIST a weak point (thumb, wrist, neck?) and effect escape.

Attackers often move to silence women... this is me and my version of lipless kissing.

Maybe you would move to kiss, then headbut.

But I always teach - you must go FULL OUT - or go back to your option of 'no action, at the moment'.  Because to go into this lightly, or with too much Princess Pansy Hands, could escalate an offenders already frenzied madness.

Unlike martial arts, your moves are not limited to your repetitive training, but they are unlimited due to the teaching methods to unlock your physical and mental potential.

This is the RAVES method.  Recognise, Assess, Vocalise, Escape and Survive.

Because if I can keep one woman safe, then my late night rants are worth it.

For more information on my personal protection and self defence courses
check out what is on.

When I finish a high school session on self defence, consent, and/or the anthropology of violence I get a line up of teens who want to talk to me about their experiences. They do not want to tell the parents, their teachers or school counsellors. They feel shame, guilt, embarrassment and they have no intention of reporting offences because of the implications of people knowing and the repercussions from offenders.

18+. I won't be holding back on language as I talk about adult concepts like sex, death and paedophilia using all the correct terminology in all of it's truthful raw humanness.

I love to support your work environment with Safe Workplace Training and De-escalation Skills for the Workplace.  Contact Erin for live online sessions or face-to-face workplace training.

Project Empowerment is a personal project that Erin is embracing to collect stories from survivors about an incident that triggered their personal protection journey and how we can learn and heal from their experiences.  By uploading a short audio file (about 20 - 60 seconds) Erin will animate your story with sensitively selected animations to share your experience with our younger generations as we awaken them to others personal trauma and ways to overcome violence, inequality and dysfunctional relationships..  We can live in a world free from violence and sexual dysfunction.  Your words and lived experience could spark awareness in one child and change their life forever.  Wanna change the world together?

Contact Erin on the form below for more details.